I am still trying to put my past into boxes. I have now officially reached the point of HATING the process of moving. I am sitting here, at almost 2 am, surrounded by boxes, trash, holes in the walls ... I could go on and on. I started wondering why I thought I could do it all by myself. My friend Barb came over to help me for a little bit today and I know that the weekend will provide friendly helpers. But as of right now, I am trying to do it all by myself. Matthi is working, my parents are working, my friends are on their summer break, working or occupied with tons of other things. I guess this is just the perfect time to end one chapter of my life to start a new one... yeah, right, who am I kidding here???
Anyways, I know I will somehow manage to do it all. Right now, however, it just seems so far away. I feel like the deadline (July 31st) is approaching way too fast to be able to transport all the boxes, all of the furniture AND to be able to afford this move. I seriously can't believe how expensive all of this is... and I don't even wanna start thinking about how expensive the next semester will be due to commuting to college and stuff.
Oh well, I guess the hardest part, as of right now, is working my way through all of my belongings. I am seriously trying to throw as much stuff away as possible, but it's so hard sometimes. I don't want to throw precious memories away, even though I know that I can't use letters and presents and things like that anymore.
While sorting all of my letters I found the invitation to Lindsay's and Brent's wedding back in 2004. It was still addressed to "Miss Lilly Rompf" and it was so odd to read my maiden name (even though it was still my name in 2004). I'm so not used to reading or hearing my maiden name anymore. I mean, it will only be 3 years in September but I got so used to Mitteldorf (surprisingly everyone got used to it pretty fast except for my parents - LOL). It was kinda cool to read the invite again. I remember all I wanted was to attend that wedding and I begged my parents but I had exams (for my High School Diploma in Germany) around that time and there was NO WAY I could have made it. I'm still so sad about it though. Pam sent me tons of weddings pics via email and I will never forget what she wrote in that email: "So sad you couldn't make it. But we understand." That made me cry. I don't know, it really did. And, of course, looking at the pictures and seeing Linds - so happy and joyful on her very special day- and knowing I wasn't there to share it with her...ugh, that was hard. Still is. Linds sometimes jokes about how I never got her a wedding gift...she can be such a brat. LOL. Well, yeah, I never did... it's true. BUT who knows...maybe it will happen at some point. Hehe.
On a not so happy note: I also found a letter from Denise, Donna's (my host mother) daughter. She sent a letter to all of Donna's exchange students after Donna had passed away in 2004. I was kinda shocked to find it, to be honest. It's not that I had forgotten about it but I guess I just didn't wanna think about it for so long and that's why it totally slipped my mind. Horrible, I know. But I have never been able to "properly deal with death". Donna and I were never as close to each other as I would have hoped for. But still, I lived in her house and witnessed her suffering and I think part of the reason why I never changed host families was that I didn't want her to be alone. I mean, she wasn't alone, but no one was living with her and I just kinda always felt like she needed my help and it would be the most horrible thing to leave her in this situation. In the end, I guess, I did leave her. I still feel bad that I haven't told her things I wanted to tell her. (Well, that's probably always the case, I guess.)
I surely can't throw both of those letters away. Let's wait and see if I find some more interesting stuff - I am pretty sure I will. ;)
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