My neglected child and a fresh start, or so I hope

Wow! Over a year ago I stopped FEEDing my firstborn "child". What was I thinking? Well, I guess I wasn't thinking at all - at least not about this, my neglected child.

Life has taken a few twists and turns for me over the past year but I can honestly say I'm in a mostly happy place right now. But, dear friends, you probably know that I seem to be incapable to be fully happy. I need my black holes, my sadness, my yearnings and my melancholy. I just wouldn't be myself if I was beaming with happiness, pooping roses and singing Disney tunes all day. Seriously - you love me even though (or because?) I think too much, am cynical at times, irony is my best friend and sarcasm is my evil twin. That's me. NEWS FLASH: if you didn't know that, you didn't know me well enough.

Why am I saying this? Well, I guess all this happiness and all these blessings, all the greats things from this past year are taking their toll. I am LOVING life, don't get me wrong. And, I am EXTREMELY grateful for everything and everyone in my life. I am NOT complaining - I just realized that being happy all the time is STRESSING ME OUT.

I miss my depressed and unhappy self a little bit. So, I figured the best way to deal with this issue would be to start writing again. I can be depressed, unhappy, sarcastic and cynical through my writing. I can be the happy person in real life. BALANCE is key.

Speaking of happy: I am getting ready to head back to OHIO (once again...). 23 days to go. Obviously, I didn't totally screw up last summer- I am allowed to come back! YAY!

I will TRY to keep this blog fresh again... but I am not promising anything. This time, I will be smarter. I will write whenever something comes up. Or whenever you want me to. Ha!

Love love, folks!

The big 2-5!

Alright, so now I'm a quarter of a century old and by now I'm certain that this is a major point of my life. Things have been falling into place like crazy and it feels like that everything I have done in my entire life was meant to lead me to this point in my life.

I am a business owner with an incredible first two months of doing business. I'm happily married for amost 4 years now, I have amazing friends and family and I am about to board a fascinating ride of life, my life. There are no words to describe what I feel at this point. It's a neat little mixture of excitement, gratitude, love, craziness blended with a small portion of fear. I guess fear is not the right word here. I'm not afraid. Maybe uncertainty would be better.

I started this blog with a "status quo" blog post over a year ago. Looks like I need a "new status quo" post here soon! :)

B-L-E-S-S-E-D

I got my visa, I booked my flight, I am happy beyond words... I need to sort everything out and start packing.

But first I need to finish my job - one more week as a teacher!

43 days until I'm home!

2010 will be my year

Happy new year, everyone!!! I hope your transition into the new year was smooth and you had fun celebrating New Year's!?

2010 started off just right for me. I spent New Year's in Kassel where Matthi had 2 shows (which really sucks in a way because I didn't really get to see him at all...but, oh well, whatelse is new!?). After his 2nd show we only had 5 more minutes of 2009 left... I wasn't too sad about this. Even though, 2009 had been pretty good to me in a lot of ways I just couldn't wait until 2010.

Matthi and I went to bed around 3 am. Whereas Matthi fell asleep right away I couldn't sleep at all... I think I finally fell asleep at 4.30 am but had to get up again an hour later because my friend Jeanny and I had decided to go to our annual Bamberg trip together.















Well, what can I say: I was beyond tired but I managed to get to the train station on time. The train, however, didn't make it to the train station on time which had me standing in the blistering cold way too long. But I knew that it would still be all worth it. With a 30 mins delay the train finally made it to meet and greet me. I hopped on it and made my way through all the coaches, squeezing through tons of bags and sleepy people just to find Jeanny who was supposed to be there somewhere. I found her, at last, sleeping in a rather uncomfortable position... it was a cute little scenario to look at and I couldn't help but gently wake her up by wishing her a happy new year.

The train ride was rather uneventful, except for the fact that we missed our connection because of the delay. But we were in high spirits, even though we both were extremely tired. We exchanged christmas-friendship-presents, slept a little and made plans what to do for the weekend.

We got to our hotel around 11 am. Our room was not ready for us yet so we stored our luggage and went on a little spree through town. The problem was that January 1st is a national holiday in Germany so nothing was open really. We found a little cafe right by the Irish Pub that would be our destination for the night. We had a coffee and a piece of pastry and made our way back to the hotel about 2 hours later just to crash on our beds right away. The room was spacious. So was the bathroom and our little balcony. We slept until 5.30 pm. I guess we both really needed it. Lol.

Upon waking up we noticed that we were both hungry. So we looked up a nice Itaölian place and had the best freshly-made pizza of our entire lives. Seriously, you wonderful Americans bhave NO IDEA what a pizza can taste like until you made it to Europe to try a real Italian pizza. What a delicious explosioan of insanely good ingredients! I'm getting hungry again just thinking about it. Hehe.

Anyways, we went to the Irish Pub afterwards and had a couple of beers before heading to "The Green Goose" for some dancing and more beer. WE HAD A BLAST.

The nwxt day pretty much resembled the first day...we met some pretty nice Americans (I told you about the army base in Bamberg, right?) and just had so much fun.

I don't think I would have that much fun in Bamberg with any of my other friends. Jeanny and I have the perfect mixture of fun, sincerity and Germarican nostalgia... it's just perfect and I wouldn't want it to be any other way.

It was the perfect start for the new year!!

2010 will be my year! I can just feel it. In a little bit I will start my own business and will head back home for 4 months. I cannot wait- imagine that! Lol.

Hopefully I will start teaching an English class next month.

I will have the most amazing birthday/farewell bash in March and who knows what will happen later this year!

I'm ecstatic about 2010... and I sure hope YOU ARE TOO!!!

My 2 weeks of milestones - going home!

I am so sorry I haven't written anything on here in so long. I turn out to be a real bad blogger when things get really exciting in my life. I am sitting here, trying not to fall asleep, because I will be leaving for the airport in 2.5 hours!!

I am excited beyond words. But, much to my very own surprise, I am soooooo nervous. I don't really know why and it totally doesn't make any sense to me because I have been to the States multiple times and I should be used to everything by now.

I'm just very emotional. I have so many great things to look forward to within the next two weeks and I am slightly worried that it might be a tad bit too much for me to handle.

I'm not sure how many times I will actually manage to write on my blog while I am back home but I try my best to keep you all updated. As a matter of fact, I might write this blog in German since all of my fav Americans will be there to share my milestones with me but you, my dearest German friends, won't...so I will consider the possibility...lol.

Thanks to everyone for bearing with me the past 8 months. I know I am a pain in the butt. I talk about everyone in the States a lot and I am sorry if I got on your nerves.

Love you guys!!

And another video: you can actually see my house!

Oh, and I found this. This is right where I live. At 0:40 you can actually see me car! (It's the third car from the left, blue with winter tires!)

Once this dude is showing you the entire parking lot (that's what that dirty area is supposed to be!) just look right across it and my house is at the very right corner at the other end of the parking lot. You can't REALLY see it, but that's where I live! :)

My new home: Nordhausen

I found some videos on YouTube about the city I am currently living in! It gives you an idea about German architecture and German culture. So take a look if you're interested! :)

Long-distance-relationships...

I think I have gotten used to being away from the people that mean the world to me. I still don't like it but I know there is nothing I can do about it.

That's probably the reason as to why I am "okay" with not seeing Matthias for weeks and months in a row. It still sucks in a way because we have to discuss important issues on the phone and I sometimes feel like I am all alone having to face problems that I would rather tackle together. But I know there is nothing I can do about it which is why I just got used to being on my own. This is where the notion of freedom and self-dependence comes into play. I believe that I value my freedom and independence so much that I can't really stand living with someone... especially not with my husband. This may be odd or even insane but both Matthias and I are so used to living our daily lives apart from each other that it's hard to cope with each other's behavioral patterns sometimes. I mean, we love each other nevertheless but living together is more of a challenge than being apart from each other sometimes. (Of course, we cherish being together... just don't jump to conclusions!)

And, because of that, I think I learned to live with being away from my favorite Americans... the only difference is that whenever I think of them I can't wait to have them around me. Isn't that just weird? Thinking of the States I always see myself surrounded by tons of people and I love it. Why does my desire to be on my own vanish the moment I am back in the States?? May anyone please explain that to me?!

Whenever friends of mine leave Germany to study/work abroad I miss them dearly. Being away from Cathi was a pain in the butt (she is my longest and closest friend after all) but we managed being away from each other quite well because we had quite regular contact with each other. Now my soulmate Claudi is gone. Claudi and I have become extremely close within the past year and it was really hard for me to see her go. But I think with her it's even harder because I am working in her old job, staying at her apartment when I need a place to sleep in Leipzig... I am constantly reminded of her. I'm not complaining but it makes it harder for me to find back to my daily routine (whatever that is! Ha!)...

On the other hand, when I am in the States, I hardly ever think of Germany... man, life is complicated sometimes. It really is.

But relationships are as hard or as easy as you make them... that's a fact!

My mini- vacation might have been the best weekend of my entire life!

I can't believe my weekend, and therefore my mini-vacation, is over already! Time sure flies - especially when you are having the time of your life! Above you can find three pictures of Waren (Müritz), the city I went to. I didn't take those pictures myself, as you can maybe tell, I took them off the internet to show you the beauty of this place. (For those of you that live in Germany but have not been there yet: pack your bags and GO THERE!! Lol. It's so amazingly beautiful and totally worth a visit!)

Friday, August 7th:

I didn't sleep at all that night before leaving at around 5.30 am to go to the train station. My train left about an hour later and, of course, I was there too early but I had to get a train ticket anyways. Now, most of you know that I have spent tons and tons of money during my move and that I am literally broke now. That's why I wanted to use my credit card to buy the ticket in order to have at least 20 bucks or so for the weekend. BUT that stúpid machine wasn't able to process my credit card which is why I had to use my debit card. The ticket was around 70 bucks round trip and it really sucked because it meant that I didn't have a single cent on my account anymore... oh well, I couldn't change it so I used my debit card, got the ticket and waited another half hour for the train to arrive.
Since I knew I had about 6 hours of train ride and changing trains and stuff ahead of me, I decided to start writing a vacation diary (of course, I never finished it - in fact it only has one entry which you will find below!) So, the first thing I did while being on the train was writing this into my diary:

"6.28 am. I just started my mini-vacation. The train left Nordhausen 4 minutes ago and I am sitting here all by myself. The train heads towards a dusking sun and it couldn't be more beautiful. Even though it's still kinda cold out I'm fully prepared for summer: I am wearing shorts and a tank top. People looking at me right now would probably assume the right thing: I'm looking forward to spending time at the beach.
I didn't sleep at all last night which was probably not a good idea but I couldn't really help it. I pampered myself for hours though- I haven't done that in ages. I sat in the bath tub, reading a book, listening to music- it was wonderful and yet again I realized that being by myself is pretty awesome. I really, really, really enjoy my times of solitude and yet I am longing to be in the States all the time. It's weird because it's a contradiction really. Picturing myself in the States always involves people. It always involves being together with everyone...
The train just stopped in the middle of nowhere and I really start to wonder if something happened... man, that would SUCK big time. I have 2 or 3 connecting trains to catch! Who knows if I'll be able to manage... 5 minutes and counting now! Ugh! :("

Of course, all of my trains arrived late and I was constantly worried not to make it. BUT I did - I was totally exhausted when I arrived in Waren (Müritz) at 11.30 am. The moment I stepped out of the train I was so happy though. The air is just totally different. I could just tell I was near water and I was ecstatic. I took my little suitcase and walked up to the hospital where my friend Kathrin was still working. That Friday was her birthday which is why she got off work early to prepare the party and stuff. I walked up to her office, knocked and 2 seconds later we were both screaming, crying, hugging each other... we were soooo happy to finally see each other again!
We walked to her house and just sat in her backyard and talked for a little while (it wasn't quite the Italian Upper Sandusky feeling - but it came close to that!) before we started to get everything ready for the party that night.
Around 7 pm 25-30 people had arrived and it turned into a desaster- at least for me. I felt like I was the only person somewhat sober (not really, but compared to everyone else I was, I was constantly making sure everyone had something to drink, or I would clean up after certain people and stuff... I don't know. I mean, I had fun, but I surely didn't have a blast. By 2 am I decided to just go to bed - after all, I did have some sleep to catch up on! :)

Saturday, August 8th:

Little did I know, when I woke up around 1 pm, that this day would turn into the best day of my entire life. My goodness, I couldn't even really get up that morning. Kathrin and I had breakfast together and watched her husband clean the backyard. Kind of mean in a way, but then again I did my cleaning part... so nothing to be mad about. After he was done cleaning, we joined him outside and discussed what we wanted to do for the rest of the day. Thorsten, Kathrins hubby, wanted to go on their boat and sail away (talking about it always makes me wanna sing "I am sailing" by Rod Stewart...lol) but neither Kathrin nor I did really feel like doing that. I have to add that I once sailed with them and it was the worst water experience I ever had (mind you, water is not my friend - never has, never will be!). So, anyway, Thorsten was getting really mad at us for not wanting to go with him which was pretty childish (he is 44 - grow up!). I finally said that he could just go by himself and have fun... (you have to know, he likes to know exactly what his wife is doing!). He seriously left, without saying goodbye or anything. But Kathrin and I didn't really care... we showered and went into the old city center, actually right to the harbor, to have a coffee. We actually had one coffee and then each of us had two glasses of wine... the atmosphere was beautiful. We were sitting in a cafe overlooking water and just enjoying ourselves. I got so overwhelmed by the beauty of this moment that I seriously had to fight back tears. In moments like these I keep thinking about my favorite Americans and what a shame it is that they will never be able to see this, they will never be able to share this amazing sight with me. It really is sad in a way.
By 10 pm we actually wanted to head back home, but by coincidence we ran into people that told us about live music in a bar that we would have to pass anyways on our way home. We ended up staying in that bar until they closed around 2 am. It was so much fun. We had WAY too many beers... and at least Germans know the saying that you shouldn't drink beer on top of wine. Well... when I tried to get up from that bar stool I knew why - I couldn't walk anymore. Partly because I was laughing so hard, but I guess the alcohol really didn't help. Hehe. We walked home, which was only a 3minute walk, and sat down in their backyard again to drink some more... wow, now that I think about it it was a lot of drinking. But Kathrin and I were able to spill our hearts to each other that night- something that is pure luxury for us since our husbands are childhood friends and always make sure that we don't get to spend as much "girl's only" time with each other. (It's a pain in the butt - I can tell you that much!)Well, anyways, so we could just really be honest about where we stand in our marriages. It's great to have someone like Kathrin that is practically married to the same type of person because I don't have to explain anything. She just knows... and it's great to hear someone have the same problems. It really helped me to put a lot of things into perspective and to start thinking about what I wanna do about the issues we have.

Sunday, August 9th:

When I woke up I puked three times in a row. I guess it was my punishment for acting up the night before. I am sure I deserved this, but I have to say it was all worth it.
Sunday was the day I had to leave again and it felt so unfair. I mean, I know I will be back there in 3 weeks because my mother-in-law is celebrating her birthday (she lives there as well and NO, I didn't go see her....I know I am mean!) but it's not gonna be the same since Matthias will be with me and even my parents will stop by. That will mean it's pure stress and it won't have anything to do with vacation, that's for sure!
Anyway, I left around 5.30 pm and didn't get back to Nordhausen until after midnight.

I'm really sad my mini-vacation is over but I know I can live off the fun I had for quite a while. :)

Oh, Champs- Èlysées ... PARIS!

I got back from a long weekend in Paris today. It was just awesome!! It was good to get away for a couple of days. Obviously, it would have been more fun to go on a romantic trip with the hubby instead of taking 14 yr olds along, but we made the best out of it.

We left Wednesday night and arrived at our hotel (which was just outside of Paris) Thursday around noon. The hotel was neat, our room was huge and we even had a flatscreen TV. Well, we didn't really have time to watch any TV because after unpacking the suitcase we drove to Paris to get a first impression. I just love Paris! It's been 3 long years since I last visited the city. (It was a romantic trip for my irthday back then, can't believe it's been 3 years!!!) But the moment I entered Paris I was just totally happy. I love the atmosphere, the chaos, the rude people, the little street cafés... it really is worth visiting.

The next day we went on a guided tour through Paris, which took us 5 hours -- we still didn't get to see everything, but we saw all the touristy places. Matthi and I walked into "real Paris" (far away from any tourists) to sit down and have coffee. It was so wonderful. The weather was nice, the people were awesome, we spoke French (or at least tried to -- can't believe how much I forgot over the years. But it kept coming back, which was good!). We just really had a good time, away from everything and everyone, away from the kids. But I have to say: the kids we took on this trip were really nice. It was a lot of fun. I am glad that they weren't anything like the brats we took to Spain!
We stayed in Paris till 10 pm.

On Saturday morning we packed our suitcase again and took the kids to Disneyland. We spent 12 very long hours there! I am sure the kids loved it. My parents took me and my brother there 11 years ago and I had a blast back then. But since I don't like roller coasters anymore it was kind of boring for us.

Later that night we went back to Germany. When we got back this morning around 9 am I went straight to bed. Quelle surprise...! ;)




Matthias and I are gonna see my parents tomorrow because my hubby needs his medical check. We think there might be something wrong with his heart. I just hope everything will be okay!

I still don't know anything concerning my trip to the States in November! I don't know what I am gonna do if I can't make it. I am trying really hard to be able to make it. Seems like I am "wasting" all of my energy on it. I will keep you updated ... wish me luck!

Spain... I am so worried about today's youth!

For the past 5 years I have been involved with an association that provides "Jugendweihe". Jugendweihe is a ceremony for 14 year old non-religious teenagers to celebrate their "passage into adulthood". Since a lot of families in Germany (I'd even dare to say most families in Germany) are not affiliated with churches, not baptized and mostly atheists this ceremony is extremely important to them. The first Jugendweihen in Germany were even held in Nordhausen (where I live) about 190 years ago. Interestingly enough, the first person to perform a Jugendweihe-ceremony was a priest. Due to Germany's history (extreme seperation of churches and states which ultimately led to the rise of a large group of non-believers:the attempt to eliminate certain religious groups during World War II as well as the seperation of Germany- Western Germany was influenced by the States whereas Estern Germany was influenced by the Soviet Union and so forth) there has always been great demand for Jugendweihe ceremonies. It used to be the government's responsibility to provide this ceremony but after the fall of the Brlin Wall and the reunification of Germany the government neglected this. This is why a lot of´Jugendweihe associations in (Eastern) Germany have been established to fill in for the government.

Jugendweihe is not for free. You have to pay a small fee to attend the ceremony which basically consists of a couple of speeches, a presentation of the teenagers attending and a certificate. Later the teenagers have huge parties with their families. Usually Jugendweihlinge (attendees) receive financial gifts from their families. (My family paid for my first language class in Torbay, England!)

Being part of the Jugendweihe is a huge deal for everyone. That is why a lot of families decide to be involved in a couple of other activities that the association offers. We offer a couple of intercultural trips to different countries, one of them being Spain (others include Italy, Hungary, France and for "rich" people: a trip to NYC).

I have been one of the volunteers to look after the kids in Spain for the past 5 years. (When I had my Jugendweihe 10 years ago I went on the same trip and told myself that I would go back one day and look after teenagers...well, here I am!) Going on this trip is ALWAYS stressful. I mean, you're on as bus for 22 hours to get there and then you have to constantly make sure that everyone follows the rules and stuff like that. NO SLEEP and NO FREE TIME for you for a whole week. But nevertheless, I think it is a wonderful thing and a great chance for mostly underprivileged teenagers to see a different country, to learn about a different culture and so forth.

This year we left on April 3rd, a Friday.

The moment the bus started moving I realiozed that this year's trip was going to be a living hell! After so many years of having nice, educated and interested kids on this trip we now reached the level of "it doesn't get any worse than that"! These kids (not all of them, of course, but most of the boys- go figure!)were HORRIBLE! They were disrespectful, obnoxious and they couldn't care less about the things they got to see in Spain. We have something for them every day of the week while being in Spain (e.g. we go to Barcelona on a sightseeing tour, visit the most famous monastery in the world, we offer a Spanish class ... )but they were not able to appreciate the privileges of being in a different country. Nor did they realize the importance of the things they got to see. They were complaining that they didn't have enough time for themselves! (They are allowed to be out and about till 10 pm every night!!) Of course, they are not allowed to drink and smoke since they are only 14 years old and since this trip is not a (party) vacation. But they, of course, couldn't follow the rules. We found cigarrettes, alcohol, sex toys (!!!!) AND weapons of all sorts! NEVER have I experienced a group of hellions like this before. NOT ONE NIGHT passed without me yelling, taking forbidden stuff away and threatening to send them home early. NOTHING HELPED!

When we came back to Germany a couple of days ago I had to talk to A LOT of parents to tell them about their kid's behavior. And, it's not even my JOB to discipline them because I am not a teacher, nor am I a parent.

I am so worried about today's youth. Whatever happened to this generation? What can I do to make a difference in their minds, heart and soul? Am I even capable of doing this? I have never been as exhausted before. I am so sick and tired of 14 year olds right now. I know it's not fair because there are great kids out there. Kids that have a vision, kids that wanna do something with their lives, kids with manners and kids with brains. These boys that went to Spain with me, and even some of the girls, lack all of the above. They are just plain dumb. They can't even write a sentence without using words like SHIT. (which they can't even spell correctly)

It is so sad.

What can I do to change this????