Someone's past.

People always tell me I need to stop living in my past; even more so, they tell me I need to move on. That may be true but it's just one tiny part of the phenomenon that is my life. Yes, of course, I tend to cling to past events, to old feelings, to precious memories that will never come back to life and become a part of my present reality. And yes, this may very well be highly destructive but I just recently came to realize that part of "the problem" is not that I want to live in MY past but in THE past.

Growing up I have felt so alienated at times. I felt like I wasn't part of the same-age-crowd because I just didn't share their opinions, their values, their taste in music, clothes and I didn't participate in their gossip. Still today I sometimes have trouble connecting with people my age on a deeper level. Don't get me wrong: I am friends with wonderful, awesome and incredible people my age, and I wouldn't want to miss them for anything in my life. But if I look at my "inner circle", if I truly evaluate who I consider a close friend I have to admit that at least half of my close pals are at least 15+ years older than me. There must be a reason for that! Also, my "idols" (actors, musicians, writers...)are AT LEAST 50 years of age. There must be a reason for that!

My Grandma used to describe me like this: "She's not just a child. She is an adult in a child's body. Her mind and soul are way too old. Something must have went wrong. She scares me sometimes." I was only 7 years old when she said that. There must be a reason for that!

I think I am intrigued by the past. Not my past. But someone's past. I am intrigued by what I consider *exciting* times that I will never live to see in my own life. Times of change, times of true freedom, times of revolution, times when anything was still possible even though one had to endure tremendous hardships.

My generation has a problem: we don't have real problems. We grew into a society with endless supplies. We grew into a society where looks and money are more important than values and talent. We grew into a society where one single person has a say over millions and we grew to accept all of this. Our problems are to stay on top of this giant machinery and to become a part of overachievers.

Former generations endured wars, political changes, social empowerment, small and large revolutions and true freedom... they all lived to become extraordinary people with a TRUE STORY to tell. I guess that's it. I guess that's what I want for myself. I guess that's why I don't consider problems real problems. I guess that's why I am secretly wishing I would have been born "back in the days" (whenever that may have been) to now be at least 65 years old. :)

So sorry, folks, I will keep living in the past just because it's more exciting that way. Also, I don't think it's bad to have some "old fashioned" values to share with lost generations of today's society. I certainly don't think it's wrong to enjoy some real good music - music that was still handcrafted and had a true message!



Great, huh? :)

It all began because of this...

One of my favorite movies of all times is "Bridges of Madison County" with Meryl Streep and Clint Eastwood. I think I have talked about it before. (I am pretty sure I have!)

I first saw this movie when I was 10. That day I fell in love with the United States. That was the day when I decided I HAD to go see this country one day. Call me crazy but it seriously happened that way. Also, Meryl Streep's acting touched me in unexplainable (is that a word? ha!) ways... I have never seen an actress play the notion of longing as well as she does it in this movie. I have longed for numerous things ever since... must have been my destiny since I am still longing to be in the States. Ha! DRAMAAAAAAA! Lol... well, anyways, I found this video on YouTube and just wanted to share it.

In case you haven't seen "Bridges" GO SEE IT RIGHT NOW!!! You're missing out if you don't watch it.

Everyone needs a song....

I need music to make it through the day. And, during times like these, I need a VERY positive song....here is MY song. What's your's?

Words, Actions and the Greatest Gift of them all.

I always knew that WORDS (spoken or written) can do either harm or good. Words backed up by love and ACTIONS can do anything. I have been generous with words all through my life. I like to tell people how much they mean to me because words are all I have to thank them. No earthly goods will ever make up for their friendship, love and support. It's just impossible to repay deep affection with money or whatever else some people consider "important" nowadays.

But sometimes I feel like my words can't even measure up to all the wonderful blessings I have received. It am just speechless sometimes.

Last Sunday Pastor Jim held his first worship service at Trinity. I seriosuly couldn't wait to hear it online. (If you want to listen to it, just visit Trinity's website, which you can find under "Go check this out" on the left side of this blog!)His words literally enabled my words! It was just amazing. I wrote him an email and it all went from there... and it ended with two very emotional women on two sides of this planet. ;) (I can only repeat myself: I owe you soooo much!!!)

I AM SO BLESSED, it's almost unbearable, but in a good way.

"And I lift my eyes to you, Creator of the world. And I stand in awe of you, of your glory. And I live to worship you, Son of God, King of Heaven... Here I stand! HALLELUJAH!" (Hillsong United)

And all I can say is THANK YOU! Thank you, all of you, who helped me to reach this point of my life!

THANK YOU, LORD! Thank you, for all You've done!!!

LET US ADORE HIM!!!!

On a Sunday

Ha, what a coincidence -- guess it is actually SUNDAY today! ;) But On a Sunday is actually an awesome Christian German band I found on myspace...well, okay let's be honest here: they found me! They tried to add me as a friend back in February (Leslie, remember this? You were there when I first listened to their music!). I liked their songs a lot but it took me a whole month to actually let its message touch me! (Go figure, I was in the States and had other things on my mind!) But the moment I came back, I ordered all of their CD's, pre-ordered the new album which will be coming out in June AND I fell in love with their new song "Certain someone". If you want to check them out, you'll find them here.

Also, I have been looking for a church family here in Germany. It's been quite hard since I am still not a big "fan" of churches here due to different reasons. But I think I found a good place for worship here in Nordhausen. I contacted the Pastor, looking forward to meeting him and talking to him.

Now, I need to listen to "Certain someone" again -- I might be addicted, who knows!?

;)

Brent - you need to come to Germany and lead worship here!

Brent Baker, you are awesome!! I feel blessed to know you!!
(FYI: he is Linds' hubby!)

Amazing Grace

Do you have a song? I mean, a song that means a lot to you? A song that has been a part of your life for a very very long time? Well, if you do, you know what I am talking about here.

AMAZING GRACE has always been one of my favorite songs ever -- I sang it in choir, I heard a trillion different versions of it, and I always ALWAYS cried and smiled at the same time while listening to it. It is just beautiful, and I am finally able to appreciate the words as well. Even "my" Meryl Streep sang it in one of her movies ("Silkwood"). I want to share her version with you: it really is her voice that you will be hearing! AMAZING!!! (And you'll get to see her pics as well...)

I sang this song on my way home today. I was riding my bike through one of the most beautiful parks here in Leipzig. It was raining (I love rain -- long story) but the sun was shining through the clouds. It was breathtaking.