The sun is shining through dark clouds.

The past days have been pretty intense. I'm pretty sure you all know what I am talking about! (The only reason why I am not putting "the story" on here is because I am still scared that it is going to backlash at me. We are being watched. I wouldn't be surprised if *they* are reading my blog as well...)

But besides all the drama and all the moments that I spent in my apt praying and hoping that my husband would be safe, I have experienced some pretty awesome things as well:

I have made new friends. I found people that are, despite today's society, just so wonderful and caring that it makes me want to cry. Seriously, there are still people out there that actually care about other people, strangers even. And, on top of all of that, they are some of the most humble and down-to-earth people you will ever meet. They actually remember what you were talking about, they ask questions, they are honestly interested in you and your life. They care. They want to help. And they do- just by being as great as they are. It's amazing how there is always something positive in your life, even if you're going through some pretty rough times. I am just so grateful I didn't close my heart and my eyes. I could have missed out on that! I'm so happy I didn't.

I started writing again. My best therapy ever. Writing. The story I am workingon might become the most personal one I have ever written, and I hope to finish it someday. Usually I start writing, and I am excited about it, but then the emotion that triggered the writing changes or completely perishes, and then I stop. So sad. But I guess it is somewhat natural if you use writing for therapy.
I had the idea for my story when I was sitting in a coffee shop. The coffee shop that I just went to because one of those awesome new people in my life works there. I just wanted to see her really. So I sat there, gazed out of the window, enjoyed my coffee after not having slept the whole night (had to read "Beloved" for class and wouldn't want to stop reading it -- it's AMAZING!)and suddenly it hit me. I had a picture in my mind and I just started writing. It felt so good. It still feels good.
It's the first story that I am actually writing about myself. It's kind of like an autobiography mixed with my surreal wishes and phantasies. Hehe, I bet you are thinking: "What in the world is she talking about? She is only 24, but she is already writing an autobiography!?" It's not THAT serious though. There is a fictional story around it. I have it all in my head. I know how it will end, and I know that people, who will read it, are going to be surprised! LOL. So you see, it's not just me rambling on about my life. There is a plan, there is a message behind it. (Wow, don't I sound all grown up!?):-)

I think I am calming down. I think I can feel safer again. I know that a lot of my friends from the States told me not go back to Nordhausen because of everything that happened. But seriously, I can't just leave my husband here. How could I have stayed in Leipzig with him being in possible danger? (Of course, I was thinking about it. But how selfish is that? How egocentric would I have been?) So I came back today. I managed to be back here when it was still light out. I don't know what will happen. Maybe nothing. Maybe something that we can face together. I don't know. We will see.

I have my writing. It will calm me down even more. How could I neglect that so much for the past year or so?

Thanks for all the emails! It was good to read them. I really appreciate it!