I don't really know how to feel...

Wow... so much has been going on. I don't even know where to start.

After the article was published EVERYTHING changed. On the one hand people started calling me because they want to work with me. A lot of my friends were extremely happy for me and it felt really good. Especially after having realized myself that this is what I am meant to do. But, of course, there was a downside to it. When I arrived at the theater prior to our second show I instantly noticed that something just wasn't right. My colleagues were... I guess you could actually say that they were pissed. They looked at me and I could tell that they didn't really like the fact that I had been praised by the press. I have a new nickname now: "Ms. Hollywood". Awesome... Putting on that second show was a pain in the ass, to say the least. Fortunately, my whole family and some of my friends were there so I concentrated on them instead of the other people involved in the play. I really wanted to cry the whole time though. I know it's jealousy and I know I shouldn't let it get to me. But it did. Really really bad, as a matter of fact. It's so stupid. And it really makes me sad. Still today.

The next day, Sunday, we had another show. This was our last show. It sucked. It really wasn't a good show and I don't really know why, but I guess we didn't really try. Not enough at least. I was so disappointed. The only good thing was that the audience still enjoyed it. I just couldn't wait to get out of there... I had a few drinks with the director, who actually is a really good friend of mine. We talked about the situation. She was so sweet. I felt better after I got home at 3 am in the morning.

Friday (sorry, I almost forgot to talk about the most important day of this past week!!) , on the other hand, was a very special day. I met my friend Claudi and we went out to have a few drinks. All of a sudden I find myself to be in an ongoing discussion about faith and religion. Weirdly enough, Claudi and I have never ever talked about our beliefs before. This night turned into one of the most inspirational and emotional nights EVER. Claudi struggles a lot with herself right now and I found all these comforting things to say. I was so surprised because I realized how much my love and trust in God had already influenced my life. For the first time I felt like I was the one spreading God's love and that was a gigantic feeling. I got so emotional because of this warmth and because of my inner security and stability... Claudi and I ended up on the top of the highest building in Leipzig at 11 pm at night and we screamed at the tops of our lungs to let all of our insecurity out. It was so powerful. I couldn't really sleep that night... I kept on tossing and turning and I couldn't stop thinking about what the Lord has been doing for me all my life without me even noticing. I am so grateful to have reached this point in my life and I know that Claudi really appreciated this reassurance as well.

It feels so good to let go and just totally rely on God's plan for me. One of the things that made my life sometimes unbearable was the fact that I was always trying to be in control. In control of everything... but I am not and with letting go so much weight is lifted of my shoulders and I can finally concentrate on what is really important. Lord, thank you so much for not giving up on me and for waiting patiently until I finally listened to you. I am so so blessed.

Talking about God's plan: Today (Monday) was a day of closure. The cast met for dinner and we spoke honestly about everything. It was hard, but it was relieving. We reconnected again and we are planning on doing some more shows and going on tour in May.

I received a phone call today. My hubby told me about an audition for a Hollywood movie that they'll be shooting in Germany in February and March. He told me that they're looking for Americans and I instantly felt like "I GOTTA TRY THAT!!" Especially when I heard it is a movie with PIERCE BROSNAN. *sigh* I will get professional pictures taken tomorrow to send them in with my application. This phone call really came at a perfect time. Obviously, my life will keep on changing. I feel like I am finally on the right path. And, who knows, maybe I will even get a chance to be an extra in that movie!?

I am so excited about everything that is going on right now. I think I really might have found myself... even though it still is more correct to say that I WAS found! THANK YOU!!!